Saturday, January 1, 2011

Retrospective travel checklist

  1. Get super frustrated that you cannot drag and drop new TV to your iphone. Have some deja vu - you've been through this before. When you finished this task three weeks ago in anticipation of this very trip.
  2. Conjure a blizzard at your first destination, which delays your flight 2 hours for what was to be a 2.5 hours layover. This a great way to add drama to your trip and a potential workout. You may have worked up a sweat in the first few hours of a 30 hour journey, but you will enjoy the free booze all that much more.
  3. Develop a severe addiction to chapstick. Tip: Bras make a great pocket for such small items in a pinch.
  4. Drop heavily dressed salad all over yourself at the first meal.
  5. Don't play any of the games you thought would be good for the plane.
  6. Stay hydrated!
  7. Go to the bathroom on the plane, if only to not sit for 9+ hours straight. It is okay. Everybody will understand. Warning: International flight bathrooms are not any better than domestic.
  8. Revel in having no rowmates. Prerequisite: Item 2. Conjure a blizzard.
  9. Curse not bringing a gentler reading light. Like the one in your checked baggage.
  10. Bringing 3 or 4 excellent (and pretty serious) books about your destination provides the weary traveler with another rare opportunity for exercise. Be sure to bring at least one lighter volume for actual reading.
  11. Realize you've totally overlooked Indian poetry in your new collection. What is wrong with you?
  12. Ask for two tiny glasses of wine, fearing they will not come by again for like ever. Sheepishly have your first glass topped off when they return in 10 minutes.
  13. Confuse "Local time at destination" with expected arrival - panic. Realize no self respecting German airline would use nonmilitary time, so that can't possibly be when you land.
  14. Learn to chair dance.
  15. Remind yourself that science is awesome and you are more likely to be killed by a donkey than in a commercial airplane crash and have another tiny glass of wine.
  16. Countdown in increasingly small intervals the time left to touchdown. Tip: This is made more difficult by reading, which does not conveniently demarcate the passage of time like TV and movies.
  17. Brush your teeth between each flight.
  18. Change into warm fuzzy socks and pack away stinky shoes before last flight, swapping one embarrassment for another.
  19. Take two sleeping pills in the first place or admit defeat; your body is pretty damn sure it is 11am and you should be awake. Special thanks to Greg for providing the sleeping pills!
  20. Pack your carry on as though it is all you are taking for a short trip because your checked bags cannot run as fast as you in a blizzard.
  21. Barely manage to contain short bursts of sheer excitement.
View from the plane in Denver:

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