Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Conversation with a Nigerian expat

I recently got my first reader e-mail.  Exciting in and of itself, but she also turns out to be a Nigerian studying in Jaipur, Rajasthan.  We've been e-mailing a bit and I've found it really fascinating.  She was kind enough to let me post parts of our conversation here.

J:  Hey, I'm J, saw ur blog:  "who ran away with her bf to India" thats really funny.  I'm a student in Jaipur so if u ever come to Jaipur maybe we could meet and just say.  I've been here for almost a year and I totally agree with u on every thing.  Incredible India!  :)

S:  Thanks for writing!  That sounds cheezy, but  I'm really glad that you did.  I  know more than just my friends and family read the blog, but it's a great mystery who they are and where they come from and just wonderful to hear a stranger is enjoying it. 

I don't know a lot about Nigeria.  Since moving to India I read a lot more about the developing world.  One of the founders of Tech Crunch spent some time there and had a lot of interesting posts about it (http://techcrunch.com/tag/nigeria/).  How does the infrastructure compare (electricity, internet, roads)?

J:  About Education, what ur saying makes alot of sense.

But honestly, there is no place like home.  I discovered in India u have to pay for electricity as u use it but back home u just pay monthly no matter hw much u use.  Internet, when I left abt 2 years ago was very dull and except u had enough money pay for internet u ur home u'll hv to go to cybercafes.  But right now almost all my class mates are on facebook, my teachers neighbours, etc so I guess its improved alot...trust me.  Roads are same but the governor of the state I'm from is trying his best with traffic lights and less potholes.

I think everything is getting better back home but the kind of news I hear of Nigerians here just makes all the good seem bad and like nothing's worth it.  Thats why they "sent us here" to experience a culture other than ours and bring back something to develop the nation.  But no matter what I prefer Nigeria to the Indian food, mentality(the way they think) and reception of foreigners.  Remember there isn't a perfect place on earth.

I'll tell u a story of what my pastor went through when he first came to India.
Here it goes.....

Monday, June 27, 2011

Travel minutiae

Planning a selfish weekend getaway to a local vineyard, wrapped in the guise of a surprise for the Manboy, I've encountered an interesting travel reality/feature in India.  The destination is (hopefully) less than 4 hours away by car.  Of course we don't have a car, nor do I want to rent one and drive myself.  Obvious solution: I'm hiring a service. 

But do we have to keep the driver for the whole weekend, or will he drive back and forth?  If the former, do we have to put him up at our destination?  It turns out 'bedding' your maid or driver is part of the hotel service.  Yes, they actually called it 'bedding'.  And imagine taking your maid to a hotel!  It is too much.  I want to say 'Only in India', but this is probably common in many other places too.  You guys, I am so not coming back.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Arindam Chaudhuri sues the Caravan, Google, ect.

In making an actual list of the articles I read about India, I realized I was not reading any Indian publications.  Ever since I've been making a point to seek them out.  One of my favorites, The Caravan, along with Google India, Penguin Books, and  the author of the article, Sidddartha Deb, is being sued by IIPMHere is their press release about it.  I'm honestly very upset about the whole thing, but it is a fascinating conflagration of issues. 

Firstly the Caravan is great and I have to admit I've had a hard time finding Indian publications I like.  Arundhati Roy talks about some of the problems (sensationalism, corporatization, censorship, lack of integrity, whathaveyou) with the Indian media in an interview at Guernica (another fine publication, but not Indian).  I don't feel qualified to pass judgement on these matters.  I don't like say the Oregonian much or any American TV news either.

Although the plaintiff and The Caravan are located in Delhi, the suit was filed in Silchar, Assam (and they have used the same tactic in similar suits).  That is just bizarre and seems like a gross abuse of the justice system.  What, they've got a judge in their pocket in Silchar?  And they'll just be allowed to file wherever they want?  That is messed up.  An injunction has already been issued and The Caravan has taken down the original article (but you can read it here).  And corruption scores another point. 

There's been a lot of chatter lately about new internet regulations here.  I'm afraid I haven't been following it much.  But the fact that Google is included in this suit and individual bloggers in previous ones, highlights that some of the new regulations will make censorship even easier in India.  Media Nama has good coverage of these topics, in particular this post calling out some of the more troubling language in the new legislation.

I hope people get all riled up over this stuff.  But it's also funny that I am so up in arms about it.  One interesting side effect of moving to another country may be a renewed interest in politics and what not.  I was pretty cynical about all these issues back home and didn't pay a lot of attention.  I haven't been burnt out by the futility of the machine here yet.  Or maybe it's more about India being a developing country and there really is more opportunity to shape things.  Either way, it's welcome.

So go post about this nonsense on Facebook.  Make jokes at Arindam Chaudhuri's expense on twitter or at least read them and have a chuckle.

Kitten video

Mom requested more pictures of  the kitten.  I'll do one better and post a little video.  I have never seen Cat do this before.  She must be conducting some kind of hunting lesson.  Kitten pretty quickly retreats back to a Safety Zone and begins crying though.  I don't think cats are meant to be only children.

(Video after the jump.  It was slowing down the site.)

Price comparison addendum - veterinary care

I pointed out before that medicine is wicked cheap here by US standards.  This doesn't carry over into cat medicines.  I figured the cat had fleas.  I was using flea powder for a bit, but didn't know when she was due and figured flea killing agents on nipples that tiny babies  keep in their mouths was a bad idea.  So they've really got fleas now.  And this is very likely how Cat got tapeworms!  I especially love the little, wriggly egg sacks that get deposited on the guest bed.  (We'll be replacing the mattress pad after this.  Please don't be disinclined to visit!  We like visitors!)  So off to the vet for better flea treatment and worming medicine - Rs. 400.  Or $10.  Still less than at home I guess, but I was kind of surprised.

India guidebooks

I read three of these I think, but only remember two specifically, Wanderlust and Lipstick: For Women Travelling in India and India - Culture Smart!: the essential guide to customs and culture.  These are both generally about visiting India, not about Pune or moving permanently.

Maybe because Brij is Indian or I'd read enough about India online already, but I didn't find either of these helpful.  There are some very short anecdotes from travellers in Wonderlust that were enjoyable to read, but otherwise I found these books very superficial.  I also haven't spent any time in rural India, which I'm sure is a totally different experience.

Some specific peeves.  Both books suggest that women not make eye contact or small talk with strange Indian men.  Yes, sex is quite under wraps here and that can create some weird tension.  Baywatch and other American media has pretty well gone and sullied our reputation almost everywhere.  We'll just overlook the fact that Bollywood's got a lot of skin and booty shakin' and unarranged romance.  Be aware of that, dress modestly, but don't be rude.  I smile and nod at people I pass in my neighborhood, make small talk with rickshaw drivers, ask strangers for directions and nobody has ever mistaken that for a sexual advance.  Hopefully you travel for more of an experience than just looking at things from a distance.  Indians are on a whole friendly, inquisitive people and there's very, very little violent crime.  You know, except for all that communal violence...  But I'm not part of those communities (Hindu, Muslim, Dalit, upper caste, etc.).

And about how to dress.  A common piece of advice is to look around and dress like the most conservative woman you see.  That's not bad advice, but it cramps my style.  In my experience the more affluent and westernized women are not walking around on the street.  They are in cars, malls, restaurants, etc.  You may blend in more at the open market in a Punjabi dress, if a white chick in ethnic clothing counts as blending more than contradiction.  But as soon as you're inside the swank mall or at a party with modern Indian women, you'll stick out like a very sore thumb.  Jeans and a kurta is a nice compromise.

Interpret the ambiguous head wobble as the answer you want.  That almost always works.  Be polite, use common sense, and go with the flow.  Don't drink the water or eat at an empty restaurant.  Pack assuming you won't be able to buy whatever you need easily.  This isn't always true, but it does make things easier.  Most Indians are not my size/shape and miming diarrhea is embarrassing.  If you want a better understanding of where folks are coming from, read In Spite of the Gods.  Get a travel book on the specific place you are  going.  Find out what holidays are going on when you travel, but be particularly cautious in crowds.  There, you don't need to read these all purpose India travel books now.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Mosquito bat

Good things to know about the totally awesome mosquito bat:

It is darn cheap.  I plan to get one for every room in the house.

It is darn satisfying.  I love killing mosquitoes.  This week we have some fruit flies.  It kills them too!

If you are wearing leggings  (they are good to work out in, shut up), it will not shock you through them.  You can rub that bat all over yourself in a fit of bug paranoia.

It holds a charge for AGES.  I plugged it in overnight as recommended, and it held its charge for like a month.

You cannot actually kill all the mosquitoes with it.  It is a sad reality to face.  As empowered as you feel bringing down all those bugs with a loud snap and bright spark, there are always more.

At first you will want to touch it.  I can't recommend or discourage this, as I haven't tried it.  This went away after killing some number of bugs, but the urge is coming back.  If I succumb and shock myself with it, you'll be the first to know.  If you've already done this, please post your story in the comments.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Dalton on CWC

In a fit of missing my pets, I sent a picture off to Cute With Chris.  They didn't use any of the story I sent, except the subject 'Fancy and Vicious.'  It won't make up for abandoning him, but Mom, you must show this to Dalton anyway.  Does he understand what computers are yet?  Are you slacking in the training department?  Thank you for taking care of him.

Makin' Korean food in India

That tinda pickle was part of my effort to make an Indian inspired bi bim bap (or bi bim bap inspired Indian food, I'm not sure which).  Bi bim bap is in my mind the quintessential Korean dish: several different preparations of vegetables and ground beef and rice and raw egg and delicious chilli sauce.


Ours of course has no ground beef, as Bo is vegetarian.  Shama had made some soya ball curry,  but I don't like soya balls.  I like the crumbled granules okay, if cooked with enough soy sauce, cumin, garlic, onion - basically flavor and salt.  The way she makes them they taste like waterlogged, grainy sponges.  (I'll cover all of this in another instalment of  Mystery Produce.)  So I wanted to repurpose her curry.  I chopped it up, cooked it with garlic, onion, cumin powder, garam masala, coriander powder, soy sauce and ketchup.  Ours is topped with a fried egg and an attempt at chilli sauce.  I would go with cock sauce or a Korean chilli sauce, if you can.  I made ours with ginger garlic paste, sesame oil, chilli powder, little soy sauce and vinegar.


Here it is without the egg.  I'll describe the veggie vignettes starting at the top and working clockwise.  First we have simply carrot matchsticks (poorly crafted, I am no Masterchef).  Next time I will pickle these in some fashion.  Now sesame scallions.  These are just inch long pieces of scallion marinated with a little salt, garlic, sesame oil and seeds.  Next is plain chopped tomato.  Then our beef replacement.  Followed by our tinda pickle.  The potatoes were particularly good.  These were sliced as you see and simmered gently in some water with a ton of soy sauce and turmeric powder.  Delicious.  And finally long beans sauteed with a little ginger and garlic.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Kitten update

I cannot tell you how excited I am right now!  The kitten is using the litter box!  Properly!  This isn't so much about the kitten going in a proper place.  I was way past that.  I didn't care where the kitten went to the bathroom, I just didn't want it to eat the litter anymore.  Obviously my first efforts at potty training went badly.  Changes in litter type were involved.

In Spite of the Gods - Edward Luce

I have been wanting to write about this book for a while.  In fact I just want to quote about half of it right here, right now.  That's not practical and probably not legal.  This is the best book or article I've read on India so far.  Frankly that makes it hard for me to sum up.

It is written by a man that was or maybe still is the India correspondent for a British newspaper.  He also married an Indian.  This is all assuming I am remembering this correctly of course.  I have the luxury of just telling you my impressions and not getting any facts right.  Edward Luce on the other hand, has a lot of personal experience delightfully woven into what is a pretty academic analysis of modern India.  There are some anecdotes and the language seemed comfortable, but there is a lot of history and studies and religion and economic evaluation packed into this book.  I love it.

If you're planning to visit or move to India and have a similar mentality to me, this book provided a lot of wonderful insight into the cultural and political realities of India.  And it did so in a very positive way - or an objective way, I guess.  It is so easy to  get bogged down in the poverty and polution and corruption and communal violence and strangeness of it all.  I see this trend in my posts and the articles I list even though I like India.  That says more about me and a failure to emphasize the positive (without getting into all that spiritual mumbo jumbo, gag).  Luce talks about India's history and topical reality in a frank, open, interesting way.  Check it out.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Mystery Produce Episode 7 - Tinda

I've been wanting to do another Mystery Produce installment.  It's one of my favorite things.  And there are some good candidates in my cabinet as we speak, but I've thrown away the packaging!  Or I could do one on Indian "cheese", but I can't bring myself to buy any more of it.  Maybe I'll try to sneak a picture of the cheese section at the grocery store, even though it is explicitly prohibited.  So today I just bought something I'd never seen before and hoped would fit into my dinner plan.  I bought tinda.


Tinda, or Indian round gourd, is exactly that: a little green, round, white fleshed gourd, complete with pumpkin sized seeds.  I licked it raw (it's not usually eaten raw), but am struggling to describe it.  For our dinner tonight I am pickling it.  A quick, more Korean or Japanese style pickle with sugar, salt, garlic, green chili, and vinegar.  There are quick pickles in Indian cuisine too, but they are usually soured with lime juice or tamarind.


Boaz describes the result as having the texture of a raw cucumber, but a flavor closer to an unripe pear (or something like that).  It came out pretty well.  I left the skin on for appearance's sake, but next time I'd peel it.

(See the dinner this was for here.)

Maybe that was obvious

I'm beginning to think that if you have sensitive skin and abhor heat, India isn't the best place to move!  I know, I'm a genius.  I've handled it so much better than I expected that I don't consider it a big deal, but I am surprised at some of the presentations.

The rainy season has kicked in.  The humidity isn't exactly comfortable in some ways.  It feels warmer than it is, but is so dramatically cooler as to more than make up for it.  I welcome the humidity with joy.  Even though the laundry takes forever to dry and my hair always looks kind of weird (can I blame that on humidity?) and there are more bugs and we're all sweating more.  But it should be the end of all my problems.

I find my troubles fascinating.  That's a requirement for having a blog, right?  My fingertips were like paper; dry with little creases, tiny bubbles would sometimes form and break only on the very surface, my fingerprints were shallower.  Much longer and I could have been a spy!  'Cause  I wouldn't have had any fingerprints!  ...  Anyway, the change in weather has brought back pretty normal, supple fingertips for me.  I had some rough patches of skin various places too.  Most lotions are downright ineffective, but Mom brought me several Costco sized bottles of my preferred lotion that fixed that right up.  Pedicures are now mandatory. 

Today I discovered a whole new weird skin thing.  I think it is Miliaria Crystallina, a form of prickly heat/sweat rash.  A little spray of super tiny, clear blisters that don't itch or hurt or anything.  It just looks like I have some dew drops on my arm.  In the time it has taken me to identify them and write this, they are already almost gone.  They were probably kicked off by my new, more intense workout routine.

Should I show you a picture?  Of course I took a picture.  I also take pictures of my more horrifying looking mosquito bites.  It's an unflattering picture of a nearly unidentifiable part of my arm and you may not want to look at my weird skin problems, so I'll put it after the jump.  I'm not  sure the picture is even very good.  I took it with my cell phone and it emphasizes what I think is pretty normal white chick pink blotchiness, but you can see the dew drops too.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Amateur Hour

Boaz (from the living room):  Are you gagging?
Me (in the kitchen):  Yes.
Boaz:  That is so awesome.

Let's just say the sour dough starter didn't go well.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Gardening

Along with the rain came an explosion of weeds in our totally neglected little back yard.  Believe it or not there were actually a few sad looking rosebushes under all this.


I finally bought some plants and did some weeding.   The surprisingly helpful rickshaw driver and maid concur that I paid far too much.  But I haven't stopped feeling $10 for the 9 plants and a big clay pot is pretty reasonable.  


I was hoping to get some herbs and vegetables too.  The nursery purveyor looked at me like I had some kind of illness as I mimed eating plants.


Paid somebody else to do the heavier pruning nonsense, weed the scary corner and soon to extend the flowerbed all along the fence.  Did you know a lot of bugs live outside?  True story.


Now we just need to decide whether to re-sod the whole yard or pave it or what.  It's mostly dirt without all those weeds.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Electricity

I sometimes, very casually, wonder about basic infrastructure in India.  In the States when your power goes out it is usually a physical problem that a human has to come out and fix.  Most of the outages we experience here are really short.  I cannot imagine there is a system in place in India to monitor local power in real time.  (Is that a thing?  Compstat for the power grid?  It must be.)  I cannot imagine people are calling the power company to report it.  I really, really cannot imagine the Indian power company has teams at the ready to promptly address any problems. 

I'm obviously pretty ignorant about the nuts and bolts of power delivery systems.  
What is it that puts the power out anyway?  Does where you live matter?  Do hospitals and schools get  better response times and whatnot, exceptions from rolling blackouts?  Should we just get a generator?  Why do our fans make more noise when they are running on battery?

I thought the hot season would bring the worst of the power failures.  What with all those A/Cs running.  I was wrong.  The rainy season is the worst.  The power goes out every day now, several times a day, for much longer than ever before.  That's not the worst though.  A power outage is alright.  It's a bummer to lose the internet and the air conditioning, but we have a battery back up.  And it powers essentials like the fridge, ceiling fans, some of the lights, and one lone outlet.  Now we seem to be getting reduced power from the grid - not low enough to kick on the batteries, but not strong enough to fully power the fridge, A/C, DSL modem, or incandescent bulbs. 

I had reckoned halogen fixtures were the norm because they are cheap, but they also don't pulse and fade in a half-powered moment.  Which is annoying, really annoying.  I may be easily annoyed.  It's the little things I miss.  Like not feeling as though I'm showering in a cheap motel as a train goes by in a bad horror flick. 

Friday, June 10, 2011

More pictures from Israel


Some of these are still from Tel  Aviv, most are from Jerusalem, Haifa, and Akko.  I would fail a quiz though.  Boaz insisted on going through all 710 photos in one sitting. 

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Kitten update

They have relocated again into a very secure box of clothing in our bedroom.  Cat and Kitten seem healthy and pretty content.  I've noticed Kitten trying to play with Mom, attacking her ears, paws, and tail.  She tolerates this, but doesn't engage.  So I made him a little kitten toy.  Unfortunately he is pretty sure I am some kind of giant monster and that nowhere outside the box is safe.  So we don't get to play yet.


Get a load of that tail!  It's like a bottle brush.  Under normal circumstances it is sleek, like his mother's.  If he tried to make himself look any bigger, he would poof right out of existence.  I try to pet Cat in the box while he's watching, which sometimes just gets wide eyes and sometime gets adorable, gasping hisses.  Hopefully I am socializing him by taking him out for a little while most days and not permanently traumatizing him.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Useful services in Pune (and beyond)

One of the harder things to adjust to here is not being able to use the internet to find shops, restaurants, services, etc.  For a country that's always in the news for its booming IT sector, the average Indian and average business here just plain doesn't use the internet.  I'm glad that hasn't translated to a doorstep piled high with YellowPage type directories.  Fortunately there is JustDial.  It doesn't have much in the way of reviews or detailed information about products and services, but is nontheless a vital resource.

Do you like having things delivered?  Then you would probably like India.  Using JustDial of course, I found a pet shop in my neighborhood.  I called to confirm that they had cat supplies (dog supplies are more common) and to get better details about where they are located (addresses aren't always that helpful here).  But instead of getting that information, they asked what I wanted and delivered it to my door within the hour.  The wine shop, the small local grocer, probably just about everybody will deliver.

Including just about any restaurant.  (Not the Hard Rock Cafe, no sir, they are too good for that.)  You may have difficulty taking advantage of this if you don't speak Marathi or Hindi though.  I've been told by more than one neighborhood restaurant that they don't take English orders, even though it seems like a list of food shouldn't be that hard.  YumKing to the rescue!  We love, love, love this service.  There are a fair number of Pune restaurants on the site and it's very easy to use.  It only shows you restaurants that deliver to your area, warns you if they aren't open at the moment, and delivery is free!  McDonald's has online ordering too, but that is more like a curse than a blessing.

We also love BigFlix, which is available in several cities throughout India.  It is pretty much just like NetFlix.  Major differences being:  the suggestion algorithm, if there is an algorithm at all, is not very sophisticated; there is some streaming, but not of English titles; they tried to emulate NetFlix I think, but the  second icon that looks like it will add a movie to the top of your queue, adds it to the bottom just like the normal 'add to queue' icon; I hear they have brick and mortar stores too; they hand deliver and pick up your movies the very next day.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Speaking of bugs

Thank the stars we don't have camel spiders!  I like the idea of being serial expats, but let the record show that anywhere with camel spiders is summarily rejected.

Mystery Produce Episode 6 - Spices

I am making some of my own masalas, so I went to a little street vendor and bought a sort  of ludicrous amount of spices.  They were so eager to garner my repeat business, they gave me a little handful of almost every spice they carry for free.  Most of them are familiar to me at this point, but I had never seen turmeric and hing in their whole forms.


 Trying to start with the big yellow lumps at the top and working clockwise:  turmeric rhizome or rootstock; just under that is mace; next is a chunk of hing, which I had only seen in a yellowish powder form; a mix of white poppy seeds, coriander seeds, sesame seeds, whole peppercorns, cloves, green and black cardamom, and god knows what else; star anise; dagad phool, literally stone flower, a lichen common in Maharashtrian cuisine; cassia, which is like cinnamon; tejpata, patta meaning leaf, this is an Indian bay leaf.

The dagad phool has a mild, familiar aroma.  Who knew we've probably been eating moss for months.  The turmeric rhizome and hing are like rock hard.  I'm at a loss as to what to do with them.  Maybe I should have brought my microplane.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

White Tiger - Aravind Agida

Okay, I think this book was critically acclaimed and it was personally recommended, but it's a novel and takes the form of a letter to the Chinese Premier from a murderous servant turned entrepreneur - let's just say I wasn't very excited about it.  The power kept going out though, so I started to read it anyway.

It turned out to be a really fun read.  The format proved an accessible yet sophisticated way to tell the story.  Kind of like 24, except I appreciated the effort and the result.  It touches on so many aspects of life in India without feeling strained.  Overall it was just very entertaining.  I highly recommend it.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

More bugs

Living in Pune tip:  Don't leave your porch light on overnight unless you really like bees.


That's a pretty blurry photo, huh?  It was a hurried shot, as I was sure they would wake up and swarm me any second.

Bee stings are one of those things that can grow mythic in the anticipation.  I was old enough the last time I was stung that it wasn't traumatic.  I recall gaining some perspective from the experience.  But it's also been long enough now that, on a basal level, I'm just positive I would die of pain.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Monsoon

 
I think the rainy season officially kicked off yesterday.  There was thunder, lightning, wind and power outages all day.  Then it rained all afternoon and all night.  The change in temperature is really dramatic.  It's been close to 100 degrees all day for months.  It wouldn't even really cool down in the evening.  Early morning was the only pleasant time of day to my PNW-raised, heat averse body.  Last night felt blissfully cool at just under  80.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Indianisms, from useful to hilarious

Prepone - Like postpone, but to have a meeting earlier rather than later.
Upgradation - To upgrade, obviously.
Do the needful and the same - "Here's the form.  Please do the needful at your earliest convenience and return the same."
Contest - To run in an election.
Intimated - Contacted personally.  "You will be intimated by customer service shortly."
Haan - Pronounced like a nasal ha, it means 'yes'.  Usually 'haan, haan, haan'.  Okay, okay, okay.  Acha, acha, acha.
Bas or ho gaya - Enough.
Chelo - Let's go.
Peg - A shot of liquor.
Coolers - Sunglasses.
Cousin-brother and cousin-sister -  Just being gender specific, I think.  There are a lot of these compound familial relation descriptors.
Eck, do, teen - One, two, three.  You don't really need to know more than that, do you?
Lakh and crore - Hundred thousand and ten million, respectively.  "You totally want to have like one crore of his babies."
Double/triple - As in 'our phone number is 8408271 tripple 9' (that is not our number).  Or 'No, see in this case is spelled s double e.'
Only - Along with its usual meaning, used instead of 'just' and often at the end of the sentence.  "How's the concert so far?"  "I don't know.  I got here only."
Gymming - Going to the gym.  "You look great.  Have you been gymming?"
Mugging - To memorize.
To pass out - To graduate. 
Rubber - Some of them are really just British English.  Like duster for blackboard eraser and shift for moving house.  When the students ask me for a rubber, I'm pretty sure they want an eraser and not a condom.